shit, nothing makes sense, so i won't think about it

throw back to say anything. college is weird. it is and isn't everything i heard.

is: awesome, full of cool people, a lot of work, a lot of drinking, a lot of fun

isn't: full of boys dying to make sweet love to me, a place where i can blossom and be who I really am (hahaha that didn't sound hallmarkchannely at all).

i feel like just as much of a social retard as i did at home. more so, actually, because i have more opportunities to fall on my awkward face. one day, i'll be cool. or not probably. just as well, i don't think i'd be very good at being cool. i'm waiting for the roomie to get off the phone so i can try to sleep. i have to write a paper on pasolini's medea. a movie full of infanticide, polygamy, ritual sacrifices, and A CENTAUR!! he's my favorite part. he's so wise. nothing is natural in nature, the sanctity of god is a malediction, etc. i think i want to study films. I love film analysis. why can't i be interested in something lucrative? like engineering? architecture? well i do like the architecture, just not the math. i officially suck at art. there goes that dream. all i do is whine when i "blog". ugh still hate that word.