oh i wish i had a suntan

what is this life? is caitlyn actually happy? not possible. OH YES IT IS! score one for team Lifeisawesome. summer is so close i can SMELL it. i have never been so excited for school to be out. usually i'm worried i'll be bored. but now i'm hoping i'll be a little bored. i need to chillllllll

ps:changed my layout! oh snap!

know what the sun's all about when the lights go out

so i'm being terribly something by not making sure those are the right lyrics, but if they aren't then the real ones just aren't what i want them to be. POP FUCKING QUIZ: What is always the impetus for a "blog" entry? ANSWER: boys. (with maybe a little boredom mixed in). WHY. WHY MUST I BE SO LAME. Please god make me cool. or at least...... less lame. whywhywhywhy do i even care??!?! i'm an independent woman. i NEED NO MAN!! I DONT CARE I DO NOT. yelling about it in all caps isn't convincing me. I DONT CARE!! FUCK BOYS!!... still not working. tell me what you were thinking to treat somebody so..... the black keys understand. NOTHING TO LOSE. on the plus side, it's absolutely wonderful outside. so i'm in here writing this pointless "blog" entry (we know how i feel about the word blog). other terrible words: smock, hoodie, spat, grog (which always seems like a stupid shortened way of saying groggy to me, in the style of totes (totally) or obvi (obvious)) yeah i double parenthesized. bitch.

get a job done in the parking lot

before i say anything, you should check out this song. it's like a prince song but better. and with spank rock.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hA9UA3CSnms

and watch the video, it's a live performance and it's radical. don't be a lazy shit and fail to watch if it's not a direct link. do it old school copy & paste. i continue to approach this blogging thing like people actually read this. well that's ok. lets seeeee........ i have a teacher who was completely awesome at the beginning of the semester who has now mutated into a raging bitch. i don't understand. it saddens me. i had such high hopes for that class. i've always enjoyed writing, but i never have much to say. i'm usually too tired to form intelligent thoughts. neo-hippies are not nearly as friendly as they pretend to be. they're just as judgemental and exclusionary as the rest of the world. and they smell bad. it's the more "normal" people here that are really nice. dude in the grocery store had a ten minute conversation with me about SCAD. then again, it's possible he was hitting on me. but i prefer to think it was just southern friendlyness. another song you should listen to, imaginary reader:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxlHaQ1yPAc

it's just the song. i'm having a musical week. that's what happens when i feel like everything else is worthless.

shit, nothing makes sense, so i won't think about it

throw back to say anything. college is weird. it is and isn't everything i heard.

is: awesome, full of cool people, a lot of work, a lot of drinking, a lot of fun

isn't: full of boys dying to make sweet love to me, a place where i can blossom and be who I really am (hahaha that didn't sound hallmarkchannely at all).

i feel like just as much of a social retard as i did at home. more so, actually, because i have more opportunities to fall on my awkward face. one day, i'll be cool. or not probably. just as well, i don't think i'd be very good at being cool. i'm waiting for the roomie to get off the phone so i can try to sleep. i have to write a paper on pasolini's medea. a movie full of infanticide, polygamy, ritual sacrifices, and A CENTAUR!! he's my favorite part. he's so wise. nothing is natural in nature, the sanctity of god is a malediction, etc. i think i want to study films. I love film analysis. why can't i be interested in something lucrative? like engineering? architecture? well i do like the architecture, just not the math. i officially suck at art. there goes that dream. all i do is whine when i "blog". ugh still hate that word.

grime

my tv habits are probably a sign of a developing mental illness. all i watch is the disney channel and the occasional reba episode. i used to reject tv entirely. this is what my life has become. weed, poor hygiene, isolation, shitty tv, and a complete lack of giving a shit. sometimes i hate me. seriously. i'm watching fucking billy ray cyrus sing a song from the motherfucking hannah montana movie. this is what i've become. please tell me why i should continue to exist. cause i just don't know. did you know a cockroach can live three weeks with no head? i bet you did cause that's one of those "little known facts" that everyone knows. i should really be writing a paper. why bother even trying to not completely procrastinate. shittihatemylife. when does it start being awesome, cause so far? not even a little.

ohyeahyehayehahhhdsan

tonight, i can not sleep. i even got all settled and prepared for blissful unconciousness, read a little miranda july, and DID NOT GET EVEN SOMEWHAT close to sleep after and hour and a half of complete inactivity. fuck hot guys who are nice and wonderful and not interested. seriously, the reasonable amount of time for me to be unhappy about this bullshit elasped a long time ago. the amount of time alotted for me to be so disburbed and depressed by said bullshit that i cannot seemed to function right was never even fucking alotted because such a reaction is just ridiculous but i cannot seem to stop. bad dreams and insomnia are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lame. i really truly am just a silly teenage girl. i see what i'm doing but i just can't stop.

mulurp

that's the sound my soul would make right now. guess what I just figured out???????? all my password shenanigans, and the little auto fill version of my email had a comma in it. that whole time and I never figured it out. arg. i've got nothing. not a single thought in my brain except me marveling at the fact that it is devoid of anything. blank blank blank.